In trying to find ways to feel better, I surfed the web to find some interesting things to look at to lift my spirits. I came across this video short...awesome!

Facebook....

I loath you... I can't live with you and I can't live without you! I have figured that this is part of my problem. While I was able to stop accepting all of those crazy applications that make you addicted, I go on to Facebook several times a day just to see what people are up to in their lives. You know, if people really wanted to tell me what was going on, they would probably call or email me don't you think?

Well, there are many people on there that I keep in touch with strictly on FB and that is OK. People that I have lost touch with over the years are on FB and it's nice to have that connection with them again.I am totally OK with the fact that everyone on my friend's list is not someone that I call or hang out with on a regular basis. There are different levels of friendship, which means there are different levels of contact.

What ISN'T OK is my obsession over other people's  life. Looking at what they are doing, wishing it were me, then the emotions that come with that....ugh, its just overwhelming and unnecessary. This social networking tool was supposed to assist in keeping people connected, not making everyone into a psychotic stalker phantom BFF! While I haven't gotten to that point, I do feel a bit intrusive when I look at photo albums and stuff. It's weird, I feel that I am peering into someone's life without them knowing... like a dirty voyeur.

The Solution

Take some time away from FB. I don't know for how long. Ideally it will be until the end of the year. Five months would do me some good I think. It will be VERY hard because I log on at least 2-3 times per day, and  some people I only talk through FB. But I did put up a status message that I was taking a bit of a break. One other thing that will do is log on and get email addresses of those who with which I want to continue to stay in contact. I like emails. It's not the phone, but who really has time for phone calls these days? An email will get  a faster response from me anyway, so we will start there.

OH MY F****** GOSH! This will not leave my farkin' system! I can't get out of t his funk! I am so jealous and envious of things I am seeing around me and for what?! I need an intervention for sure because honestly, life is supposed to be what you make it. It's no one's fault that I almost a recluse. Even as I am typing this shit out I am laughing inside because of how ridiculous it really is for me to be feeling this way.

I am very blessed and God has truly given me a very privileged life. I am not sure why I am feeling so down. I think maybe its because I feel stuck. I feel that S. FL is the proverbial ending of my healthy social and financial life. The longer I stay the more I feel doomed. with every facebook update of weddings and engagements, the knife of loserdom sinks in deeper. I feel I am and big fat FAIL at all things involving mature interpersonal relationships with the opposite gender.

I have a new book that I am reading - A Man Worth Waiting For. So far completely awesome. Very insightful and I think I am going to enjoy it over all. Basically it makes you think about the guys you atttract, why you attract them, and then shakes you up and challenges you to wait for your Boaz (Ruth's second husband) instead of settling for a Bozo. I will admit that the language sometimes is a bit childish, but the point gets across. There was a really good segment in the first part of the book and basically it says that you attract the people that are like you. So apparently I have some work to do on myself before I meet my Boaz. I must become like Ruth so that I can have what God has destined for me.

Ok... I really think that I am done with this now...

So, I have been quite absent for a while. I have been pretty busy with work working with a summer program I direct. This is the one that I am wanting to leave for good. I love my job, but I am worn out and I am just ready for something different. It's one of the reasons I am totally "rawr" about my life right now. It's actually all my fault.

I took this job in 2005 when I was young and naive about everything. It has been one of the best and worst experiences in my life. I grew up a lot being in Miami and now I feel it is time to move on. I went to Chicago for The Placement Exchange that is part of the NASPA conference this past March. I wouldn't say it was a complete waste of money, but I will say that it yielded no results. I got a "No" from all of the jobs I interviewed for while I was there. Well all except one. I interviewed for a position and emailed on where I could actually apply for the position formally and I never got a response, so I guess that may be a "No" informally? I'd like to think that the position was an anticipated opening or one contingent on funding and so maybe it was no longer available when I asked about the application.

In the meantime I have been applying feverishly to various institutions and they are just taking their sweet little time notifying me of whether they think I am cool enough for an interview or giving me the canned " Thanks for applying, but we went with a better candidate. In yo face LOSER!" I don't really have a lot of patience and once in church I listened to a sermon about virtues and how God will not just give you the virtues you request, but allow you to face situations where these virtues have to be developed. THANK YOU GOD (I swear I am not being [that] sarcastic)! I know that this is just a test and I need to really try to do some things to make my life exciting while I am waiting for this awesome opportunity to cross my path. Who in the hell do you think I am God?! I am not cut out for this! I want answers now! OK...maybe not the best approach and I profusely apologize for my frank tartness.

I just see that my life is so incredibly boring and I it's most likely my fault. That is the thing about me, I can own up to my own issues, mistakes, and faults. I made my life about work for so long that now I am trying to break free, but I have nothing to really look forward to for entertainment or enjoyment. I am too broke to travel. My friends consist of people at work and on small occasion our interaction will bleed into the after work zone. I have two cats that are demanding, but dismissive toward me. I feel like I am in this holding pattern of life. While everyone else has a life, I am looking in from the outside of a store I can't afford. It really sucks and yes I am having a pity party right now. I can do whatever I want!  I think it's possible that I may be just hormonal right now because I am not usually this annoying.

Oh and I am still fat. That's my fault too. I backtracked and I haven't gotten on the ball yet. I joined Weight Watchers online and I fear that there isn't enough accountability to keep me going. What I liked about meetings was that I would have to go in every week to weigh in and if I didn't do squat that week to make progress I was thoroughly embarrassed. Well, if I don't think I did anything worth noting I can just not weigh in with the online program. I need an audience to boo at me when I am a lazy heifer. I know that I do need to give myself some credit for taking a step in the right direction. I have started working out a little bit again, but I didn't renew my gym membership because I haven't been using it. $300 can stay right in my pocket thank you!

The people around me seem to be finding and keeping love. Now I mean first off let me say that old flame was smashed out recently. There wasn't enough wax for a new candle and  there wasn't enough wax to sustain a new flame. My philosophy was again correct in that people are your exes for a reason and 99% of the time should stay that way. So as I log onto facebook and watch everyone swoon over engagement and bridal pictures of former classmates and friends, I get a little bitter. I know that is wrong, besides why do I need to worry about what they are doing. People ALWAYS look happy on facebook, but I know better than to believe that hype.

Anyway, I think that my pity party just ended. I am ready for a drink...I don't care that its 9:30am, a mimosa would be quite nice right about now.

I am totally addicted to the "As seen on TV"" infomercial crap. I don't know why, but I am. The latest is the Rob Nevins Skinny Switch. It looks so enticing, but it also looks so damn expensive! I am struggling with the last 48 lbs of my weight loss. I backtracked a little (hence the extra 8 lbs mentioned) and I really need to get in shape by the end of the year. I am just tired of being overweight and there is no reason why I shouldn't just go ahead and do it!

Well anyway, this skinny switch as the uber douche on TV describes looks great, but is it true? So I did some sleuthing and basically people have been very happy with the eating plan (go on the link and see the specifics for yourself). The one thing I can't get over is the price tag. for a 6 month membership I would drop over $150!!! that is way too much money. So in my internet search I found an Alternative for a fraction of the price and the reviews are very similar to the the Rob Nevins stuff. It's called Fat Loss  4 Idiots. From what I have read, it is the exact same plan as Robs, but of course less flashy and aesthetically pleasing. I signed up (yeah I paid...big surprise, right? But I DIDN'T pay $154!) and I printed out my meal plan based on the foods I chose. Now looking at this, it doesn't see like I have a lot of choices, but  I will work with it.

The deal is that I have this meal plan (no calorie counting, not points, just eat until I am satisfied) for 11 days and them 3 days of whatever I want (within reason....I don't need to do one of those man vs. food challenges or anything of course).
....
Yeah... this didn't stick for me...I barely finished day 1....ugh.